Heyo, everyone! Welcome to this week’s Muse!
I don’t want to talk about the shitty things that happened today. My body simply can’t handle the constant swing between rage and desolation that the last few months have been. I’m just tired, and it’s starting to cause vision and sinus problems as well as body aches. My 30th birthday is in three days… and I feel like maybe I’m actually turning 40. So… I can’t. All I can offer right now are thoughts and prayers, and I don’t believe those help.
I need to delve into the story I’m developing now. I’m working on Liar next month because I always do best NaNo work on a project that’s already been developed. I finished Killing Mercutio with NaNo, but every other project has stalled in some way. It’s made me realize I need very well-developed outlines and worldbuilding in order to do my best work, and a month’s work of development isn’t enough for me. I am, basically, the Queen of Plotters. I can’t work without the parameters.
But I always try to spend October prepping a story, especially since there are so many programs, both official and unofficial NaNo Prep, that take place, and I want to take advantage of them. Liar is definitely planned. I have a multi-page outline, character bios, and everything I need to know to proceed. But I have a story in the earliest stages of development, and Prep can’t hurt that.
In the climate we’re in, I’m so glad it’s a positive story. I had a couple different paths for this idea, one much more… dark than the other. And I realized, ultimately, I needed to write the happy version. It’s more escapist, but I need that. I need a happy story about a brave girl who sets off on a quest to claim her birthright. Where women protect one another, and the City of Ladies is the ideal. My heroine didn’t need to prove she’s a girl (she is a transgirl of 15); she just needed to prove she was worthy of her bloodline’s duty. And she does. She wins. She becomes a Champion.
I admit, I was very much inpired by the fantasy of The Madwoman of Chaillot. The charm, the optimism, the idea that bravery and chutzpah and a little bit of magic are all that’s required to save the world really affected me. Obviously, it’s not as simple as all that. Obviously, our problems can’t be solved by locking the terrible people in a deep hole or a brave girl going on a quest, but… it’s something I need.
Because I can’t keep going this way. I won’t survive it.