Shakespeare Saturdays: Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Bard?

Greetings and Salutations fine readers of Nerd Cactus Blogs and welcome to the inaugural edition of Shakespeare Saturdays, in which we celebrate the genius, hilarity, and human interest of one William Shakespeare, aka the Bard. We here at Nerd Cactus owe a great deal to good ol’ Willy; we got our start discussing what we like and dislike about his plays and sonnets, and our first major story deals with one of his most famous works (no details…it’s still Super Secret). That being said, we thought we’d dedicate an entire day to him, whether it be cartoons, memes, videos, or other blogs celebrating the genius of this great English playwright.

I can hear groans from here. For some reason, the Collected Works of William Shakespeare seems to send people running in fright, a twirling cloud following in their wake. But there is absolutely no reason to dislike or fear this great man and his works. Why? Because they’re hilarious. William Shakespeare is hilarious. And to prove it, here is a list of some of his filthiest, funniest jokes.

There live not three good men unhanged in England: and one of them is fat.” – Falstaff, in King Henry IV, Act II, Scene IV

I must to the barber’s, monsieur; for methinks, I am marvellous hairy about the face: and I am such a tender ass, if my hair do but tickle me, I must scratch.” – Bottom, in A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream, Act IV, Scene I

“By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s.” – Malvolio, in Twelfth Night, Act II, Scene V

“I am one, sir, that comes to tell you your daughter and the Moor are now making the beast with two backs.” – Iago, in Othello, Act I, Scene I (Yeah…Shakespeare invented that euphemism.)

Charon: Thou hast undone our mother.
AaronVillain, I have done thy mother. – Titus Andronicus, Act IV, Scene II (Yes…this may very well be the first yo’ momma joke in history.)

And one more…for the funsies!

“I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.” – Benedick, Much Ado About Nothing, Act V, Scene II (This one is much funnier if you know that ‘to die’ is euphemism for orgasm.)

So…see, ladies and gentlemen? There’s no reason to fear Shakespeare! The man is filthy, funny, and the ultimate insult champion! And so I leave you for this Shakespeare Saturday. Until next time!

-C

PS: Shakespeare’s even funnier in rap form!

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